Any day now I will become a mom. Last month a couple of people wished me a happy Mother's Day and honestly it made me feel a little uneasy, for lack of a better word. Yes I know I am technically growing my daughter inside of me at the moment making me a mom to be but to say that I am one already is beyond strange. Do I know the first thing about being a good mom? What it will take day in and day out to raise her in the best way possible? It makes me nervous to think I don't. I want to think it's something you figure out as you go. I have to believe that my being scared I will fail somehow plays into the bigger picture. As much as I try to plan and prepare before her arrival there is no possible way for me to feel ready for something I have never experienced before.
Growing up I don't remember critiquing my parents' parenting style. I remember my mom trying to make the small things seem so important and doing everything in her power to get me where I wanted to be including coming up with the money for church trips and college. It was never about getting my way, it was more about the support she gave us at any cost. The love that she had/has for her 3 very different daughters knows no bounds. I never doubted my mom's love for me. That is what I hope shines through when she's my age, covering over years of things I think I should've done differently...that Harper will never question the love I have for her, that although we may not do everything perfectly as her parents we tried to keep what was best for her in the forefront...at any cost to us.